Serenity Now

Finally, finally, I am starting to feel some progress in the water.
OK. So, I've only been at it for a week now. Have I mentioned that I am impatient? Actually, that's an under-exaggeration. When it comes to patience I have the maturity of a three year old. I want results now, or sooner.

This lack of patience can be dangerous. Logically, I understand that a potato chip eating couch diva should not attempt to reach Ironman status overnight. It's a flowery wrapped invitation for injury. I try to keep this in mind. I really do. I force myself to keep using the 10 pound dumbbells at 12 reps when my fantasy driven ego is screaming for more weight and pain. I try to reason with the inner child that can't understand why my body does not yet reflect the change that has occurred in my head. Mentally, I am a fit and driven triathlete. Physically, I am a unconditioned 37 year old recovering chip-oholic less than two months into a training regimen.

I'm still more than 20 pounds away from my ideal weight, and I still can't run any distance without walking. It is true that in the last 7 weeks I have lost pounds and inches. It is true that I have gained strength and energy. But I still have a long ways to go in all these areas, and my impatient brain just can't understand this.

Noticeable progress does help to quiet my impatience. Wednesday I left the water feeling beaten and deflated. Would I ever be able to complete a single lap without hyperventilating? I can work my ass off on the bike - why do I get so tired so quickly in the pool? That night I searched for answers online. I came across instructional swimming videos on YouTube. The videos detailed, both above and underwater, how to breathe and stroke during the freestyle. They offered yet more drills that complimented the ones my swim coach gave us last week.

So I went to the club Friday afternoon armed with YouTube visualizations and a plan. I marched confidently into the pool area, skipped the hot tub cowering and quickly found a lane. I positioned the kick board and push buoys as I'd seen in the videos and focused on slow, deliberate breathing and movements. I found that breathing out of my nose somehow calmed me down and reduced the feeling of hyper ventilation. I scrapped the 4-count-breathe we practiced last Sunday and simply lifted my head for air when it felt right. I remembered to keep my head down, and breathe bilaterally.

And something happened. Suddenly, I could do it. My form is not there, and I'm not ready to race the 500, but I could go back and forth without feeling I might die. I practiced single arm swimming with no legs. First one side, then the other. Then I left the kickboard and buoys behind and tried out my freestyle. I was doing it!! I wasn't exactly going in a straight line, and I wasn't breaking any speed records. But I was doing it. I was in the pool for over an hour and actually had to force myself to stop.

Thank God for progress, the ultimate motivator.
Patience be damned.